/**/

Collapse

Announcement

No announcement yet.
Collapse

Jokes

X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #76
    Re: Jokes

    Everyone is in a hurry to scream 'racism' these days!
    'In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?'
    The clerk looks at him and says, 'Are you Polish?'
    The guy (clearly offended) says, 'Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I were Italian? Or if I had asked for feta cheese, would you ask me if I were Greek ? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I were German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I were Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I were Mexican? Would you? Would you?'
    The clerk says, 'Well, no!'
    'If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I were Irish?'
    'Well, I probably wouldn't!'
    With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, 'Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?'
    The clerk replies, 'Because you're at Home Depot.'
    U. S. Air Force, Retired

    Comment


    • #77
      Re: Jokes

      NEW CAR
      A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
      Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 m.p.h., enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
      "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
      Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring.
      He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.
      Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
      Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
      The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
      "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

      Comment


      • #78
        Re: Jokes

        Originally posted by nearace View Post
        NEW CAR
        A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
        Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 m.p.h., enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
        "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
        Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring.
        He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.
        Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
        Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
        The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
        "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
        Good one

        Comment


        • #79
          Re: Jokes

          Lady wants to take up golf to play with her husband, never touched a golf club before in her life.

          The pro tells her to hit a couple of shots, she says I don't know how to even hold the club.

          Pro thinks for a second and says hold the club like you hold your husbands penis.

          Lady hits a couple of shots but they only go about 25 yards or so.

          Pro says wow that's pretty impressive Mrs. Smith now take the club out of your mouth.
          Ping G410 Plus 10.5*
          Ping G410 3W 16*(17*)
          Ping G400 7W 20.5* or 3H 19*
          Ping G400 4H - 22*
          Ping G400 5 - UW
          Ping Glide 3.0 54/14 WS
          Ping Glide 3.0 58/10 SS
          Gamer: Odyssey Tri-Hot 5K One (Evnroll gravity grip)
          Back up: SeeMore DB4 Nashville (303 milled)

          Comment


          • #80
            Re: Jokes

            Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee ...

            The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room,
            everyone calls him 'Father'."

            The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people
            call him 'Your Grace'."

            The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone
            says 'Your Eminence'."

            The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room
            people call him 'Your Holiness'."

            Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her
            a subtle, "Well....?"

            She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D bust, 24" waist and 34" hips.
            When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."
            Adams XTD Ti 12.5* / TightLies 2 Ti / Super 9031 Tour / Ping WRX i20 Irons
            Ping WRX Tour Gorge / YES Natalie Putter B-CG / Leupold GX-4 Rangefinder
            Personal Best: 79, hoping for another sub 80 round before the Twilight Zone

            Comment


            • #81
              Re: Jokes

              Originally posted by TourIQ View Post
              Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee ...

              The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

              The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

              The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

              The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

              Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

              She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D bust, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."
              HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!!!!!!

              Good one TourIQ!


              WIT SM C130 Cart Bag:
              TM SLDR 10.5*
              TM SLDR 3W & TM V-Steel 5W
              TM Rescue 22*
              4-PW Mix of Mizuno MX-25's and TM RBZ's
              Wedges: Titleist SM 53* & 56*
              Ping Ketch
              Ball: What's on sale?

              Comment


              • #82
                Re: Jokes

                Originally posted by Leftygolfer30 View Post
                HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!!!!!! Good one TourIQ!
                I think the woman got the last laugh against the men
                Adams XTD Ti 12.5* / TightLies 2 Ti / Super 9031 Tour / Ping WRX i20 Irons
                Ping WRX Tour Gorge / YES Natalie Putter B-CG / Leupold GX-4 Rangefinder
                Personal Best: 79, hoping for another sub 80 round before the Twilight Zone

                Comment


                • #83
                  Re: Jokes

                  In these times of recession, to save on energy costs, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off.

                  Signed..
                  God
                  It's not about what you know, but everything about what you understand.

                  Comment


                  • #84
                    Re: Jokes

                    Cowboy gets caught by the indians, as a standard practice they give the condemmed one last request.
                    The cowboy whispers something in his horse's ear, horse takes off and comes back with a nice looking blonde on his back.
                    Cowbiy takes her in the teepee and makes love to her, when he comes out the indians are all applauding the cowboy.
                    The chief says he must be the greatest cowboy they have ever met, so they give him one more last request.
                    Cowboy whispers in the horse's ear again, horse takes off and returns with a brunette on his back.
                    Cowboy takes her in the teepee and makes love to her.

                    Cowboy comes out of the teepee and all the indians are giving him a standing ovation.
                    Chief says him and the boys are amazed that the cowboy could train a horse that well.
                    The chief says the boys feel pretty bad about having to kill him, so they all agree to give him an unprecedented 3rd last request.

                    Cowboy tells them that he truly appreciates the gesture, waks over to his horse, grabs him by the sides of his head and says.

                    "Now read my freakin lips, I said POSSE!!"
                    Ping G410 Plus 10.5*
                    Ping G410 3W 16*(17*)
                    Ping G400 7W 20.5* or 3H 19*
                    Ping G400 4H - 22*
                    Ping G400 5 - UW
                    Ping Glide 3.0 54/14 WS
                    Ping Glide 3.0 58/10 SS
                    Gamer: Odyssey Tri-Hot 5K One (Evnroll gravity grip)
                    Back up: SeeMore DB4 Nashville (303 milled)

                    Comment


                    • #85
                      Re: Jokes

                      Q: What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Titanic have in common?

                      A: They both looked good before they hit the ice!

                      Comment


                      • #86
                        Re: Jokes
                        Ontario Judge makes unprecedented ruling

                        TORONTO, ONTARIO (CP)


                        A seven-year-old Toronto, Ontario, boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

                        The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge
                        initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law
                        and regulations requiring that the family unity be maintained to the best degree possible.

                        The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy alleged that they also beat him.

                        After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

                        After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Toronto Maple Leafs, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anybody.
                        Member of 2012, 2013, 2015 TGN Ryder Cup Team
                        Member of 2014 OG Ryder Cup Team

                        Comment


                        • #87
                          Re: Jokes

                          Recently I was asked to play in a golf tournament.

                          At first I said, 'Naaahhh!'

                          Then they said to me 'Come on, it's for handicapped and blind Kids.'


                          Then I thought...





                          F@@K - I could win this!'
                          Member of 2012, 2013, 2015 TGN Ryder Cup Team
                          Member of 2014 OG Ryder Cup Team

                          Comment


                          • #88
                            Re: Jokes

                            What do the Argonauts, Leafs, Jays, and Raptors have in common besides being in Toronto?
















































                            None of them can play hockey.
                            Everybody wants a slice of winner - dekker

                            Comment


                            • #89
                              Re: Jokes

                              A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

                              Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

                              The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" she told him earnestly.

                              "Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him.

                              She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. After a short massage she asked him, "How does that feel?"

                              To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!"

                              Comment


                              • #90
                                Re: Jokes

                                Originally posted by nearace View Post
                                A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

                                Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

                                The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" she told him earnestly.

                                "Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him.

                                She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. After a short massage she asked him, "How does that feel?"

                                To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!"
                                I like the alternate punch line which is "that feels pretty good but I still think I'm going to lose the nail".
                                Ping G410 Plus 10.5*
                                Ping G410 3W 16*(17*)
                                Ping G400 7W 20.5* or 3H 19*
                                Ping G400 4H - 22*
                                Ping G400 5 - UW
                                Ping Glide 3.0 54/14 WS
                                Ping Glide 3.0 58/10 SS
                                Gamer: Odyssey Tri-Hot 5K One (Evnroll gravity grip)
                                Back up: SeeMore DB4 Nashville (303 milled)

                                Comment

                                Collapse

                                Latest TGN Reviews


                                Collapse

                                PGA Leaderboard


                                Collapse

                                Today's Birthdays


                                Working...
                                X