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BEST GOLF JOKES !

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  • BEST GOLF JOKES !

    Okay I like jokes so lets hear some jokes about golf... I'll start it off....

    Did you hear about the golfer who was sentenced to be hanged. He asked the warden if he could take a few practice swings first !!!

    IIIIOOOOOO !!

  • #2
    Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

    There was a priest who loved golf. One Sunday morning it was to tempting and he decided to play hooky from his services and go and play. He calls in "sick" and gets the services covered off, leaves his house and drives for 3 hours to make sure no one he knows would see him.

    THe golf course is not very busy so he goes out as a single. The priest wasn't a very good golfer but he started off with a par, and then another par. He steps up to the tee of the 3rd hole, a par 3, hits his shot and gets a hole in one!

    Up in Heaven an angel is looking down and is confused. THe angel asks God why is he/she (want to be politically correct!) is allowing this to happen! The priest is commiting a sin by lying about being sick and gets the hardest shot in golf to make...a hole in one.

    God turns to the angel and says "Who is he going to tell?"
    WHAT SITS ON MY CLIC-GEAR
    Alpha Golf C830.4 SP700 Plasma 10* Platinum 65 gr
    Alpha Golf Version 5 3wd 15* Platinum 65gr
    Alpha Golf C830 19* Platinum 60 gr
    Alpha C2 Fly 4- G/W Platinum 60 gr
    Snake Eyes 675 WB 54* & 58* FST 90 gr
    Heavy Putter A1 33"
    " The secret is in the dirt "....... Ben Hogan

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

      A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

      "Well, it was like this," said the man, "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball - stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."

      "What did you do?" asks the doctor.

      "Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

        Another husband and wife joke....

        A married couple goes to play. ON the first tee the hubby hits his shot and snap hooks it and hits his wife in the head. He runs over to her thinking he has just killed her. He puts her in the car and takes her to the hospital.

        The doctor comes up in emergency and says to the husband..."she's going to be OK. She has a big bump and a concusion but she will be OK. However we did check her out all over and we found another golf ball up her rectum, can you explain that?"

        THe hubby looks at the doctor and says....."what you've never heard of a mulligan?"
        WHAT SITS ON MY CLIC-GEAR
        Alpha Golf C830.4 SP700 Plasma 10* Platinum 65 gr
        Alpha Golf Version 5 3wd 15* Platinum 65gr
        Alpha Golf C830 19* Platinum 60 gr
        Alpha C2 Fly 4- G/W Platinum 60 gr
        Snake Eyes 675 WB 54* & 58* FST 90 gr
        Heavy Putter A1 33"
        " The secret is in the dirt "....... Ben Hogan

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

          Another husband and wife joke....

          A married couple goes to play. ON the first tee the hubby hits his shot and snap hooks it and hits his wife in the head. He runs over to her thinking he has just killed her. He puts her in the car and takes her to the hospital.

          The doctor comes up in emergency and says to the husband..."she's going to be OK. She has a big bump and a concusion but she will be OK. However we did check her out all over and we found another golf ball up her rectum, can you explain that?"

          THe hubby looks at the doctor and says....."what you've never heard of a mulligan?"
          WHAT SITS ON MY CLIC-GEAR
          Alpha Golf C830.4 SP700 Plasma 10* Platinum 65 gr
          Alpha Golf Version 5 3wd 15* Platinum 65gr
          Alpha Golf C830 19* Platinum 60 gr
          Alpha C2 Fly 4- G/W Platinum 60 gr
          Snake Eyes 675 WB 54* & 58* FST 90 gr
          Heavy Putter A1 33"
          " The secret is in the dirt "....... Ben Hogan

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

            awesome. thanks for the laugh.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

              A man rushes his wife into the local emergency room.

              The Dr. comes up and the man tells him that his wife was hit by a golf ball out on the course.

              The Dr. says, "where was she hit"...to which the man (still in a state of shock) replies, "between the first and second hole".

              The Dr. says, "we're gonna have a hell of a time putting a bandage on that!"

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

                A woman goes into a pro shop and sees a beautiful kitty cat headcover for her driver. The pro warns her that it is cursed and he can't sell it to her. She insists and he finally relents but cautions her of impending doom.

                Fitting the headcover on her driver she heads off for the first tee.

                As she heads down the 17th fairway she hears noises in the woods and suddenly see cats of every shape and type charging at her. Tigers, lions, leopards and every other imaginable type of feline with blood in their eyes.

                Running to the edge of the cliff at the side of the fairway she throws the headcover over the side and onto the rocks below. Charging past her the cats go crashing over the cliff after the headcover, smashing themselves into a bloody heap on the rocks below. Blood, carnage and death everywhere on the rocks.

                Barging into the pro shop she angrily confronts the pro and asks...."you wouldn't happen to have a cursed headcover of a troll would you".
                I like big putts and I cannot lie
                You other putters can't deny
                That when a putt goes in with an itty bitty pace
                You're gonna fist pump in their face - Sir Putts-A-Lot

                It's how well you golf fast!!!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

                  A deaf mute went to the course as a single one afternoon. After playing several holes, he caught up with a foursome. He took out his note pad and wrote "would you mind if I played through". He showed this to one of the golfers, who promptly told him to wait his turn like everybody else.
                  After another hole, he caught up with them on the teebox, and showed them the same note. The same guy told him to f$#& off!
                  He waited until they were in the fairway about to hit their second shot. He cranked a drive directly at the guy who responded to him, smacking him squarely in the butt.
                  When the guy turned to see where the ball came from, there was the mute standing on the teebox holding up 4 fingers!
                  U. S. Air Force, Retired

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

                    Originally posted by The Troll
                    A woman goes into a pro shop and sees a beautiful kitty cat headcover for her driver. The pro warns her that it is cursed and he can't sell it to her. She insists and he finally relents but cautions her of impending doom.

                    Fitting the headcover on her driver she heads off for the first tee.

                    As she heads down the 17th fairway she hears noises in the woods and suddenly see cats of every shape and type charging at her. Tigers, lions, leopards and every other imaginable type of feline with blood in their eyes.

                    Running to the edge of the cliff at the side of the fairway she throws the headcover over the side and onto the rocks below. Charging past her the cats go crashing over the cliff after the headcover, smashing themselves into a bloody heap on the rocks below. Blood, carnage and death everywhere on the rocks.

                    Barging into the pro shop she angrily confronts the pro and asks...."you wouldn't happen to have a cursed headcover of a troll would you".
                    Is it just me or does anyone else not get this one? Or find it not funny...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

                      Originally posted by scan
                      Is it just me or does anyone else not get this one? Or find it not funny...
                      It shouldn't be funny....killing a troll is a terrible thing.
                      I like big putts and I cannot lie
                      You other putters can't deny
                      That when a putt goes in with an itty bitty pace
                      You're gonna fist pump in their face - Sir Putts-A-Lot

                      It's how well you golf fast!!!!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

                        Originally posted by The Troll
                        It shouldn't be funny....killing a troll is a terrible thing.
                        I really dont' get it ...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

                          Originally posted by scan
                          Is it just me or does anyone else not get this one? Or find it not funny...
                          No, I didn't get it either, not sure how it's funny.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

                            Originally posted by scan
                            I really dont' get it ...
                            I was expecting something like... "Do you have a cursed headcover that looks like my husband?"

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

                              Originally posted by cdnputter
                              No, I didn't get it either, not sure how it's funny.
                              I re-read it just to make sure. it's official. not funny.

                              Comment


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