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BEST GOLF JOKES !

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  • #31
    Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

    Originally posted by golfnguru
    Its a deja vu.

    I think he played with Crosby and Nash.
    Are you Steve?

    Originally posted by duffer_devon
    Crosby and Nash don't play on the same team, silly.
    Are you Steve?

    Originally posted by The Troll
    I figured they both liked girls....
    Are you Steve?

    Originally posted by Hombre Lefty
    but they used to, with Young on defense... back in the day
    Are you Steve?

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    • #32
      Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

      Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder are at a charity event one evening. Upon seeing Stevie, Tiger wanders over to have a chat with him.

      "Stevie, is it true you are a scratch golfer?" asks Tiger. "Yes I am Tiger." "But how do you manage to play with your disability?" "After years of practice I've manage to learn to hit the ball without having to see it. And to aim, I get one of my bodyguards to head down the fairway and yell back to me. I simply aim towards his voice."

      "That's simply amazing Stevie, good for you. We should get out for a round sometime." "I would love that Tiger, but I have to warn you, I only play for cash. $1000 a hole. But I have to warn you Tiger, I've never been beaten."

      Thinking this would be an easy score, Tiger is only too early to accept. "You got it Stevie. When would you like to play?" to which Stevie replies "How about Wednesday, around midnight?"

      Originally posted by Bellyhungry
      Are you Steve?



      Are you Steve?



      Are you Steve?



      Are you Steve?


      Dude, let it go. Hopefully, in due time, Steve will reveal himself.
      Last edited by Big Johnny69; Jul 10, 2008, 08:21 AM. Reason: Automerged posts
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      • #33
        Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

        Originally posted by Bellyhungry
        Are you Steve?



        Are you Steve?



        Are you Steve?



        Are you Steve?
        I'm not Steve, but I do get the joke.

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: BEST GOLF JOKES !

          Blonde goes back into the clubhouse in some discomfort after playing only 2 holes . The pro sees her and asks what happened.
          She says. "A bee stung me."
          He says, "Where?".
          She says, "Between the first and second hole".
          He says, "Ahh, I know the problem - your stance is too wide."

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          • #35
            ... how about a 10 year bump !


            50 Shades of ..... Golf

            Four guys have been going on the same golfing trip to St. Andrews for many years.
            Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
            Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do? The 3 of them decide to go without Jack.
            Two days later, the three get to St. Andrews and, to their surprise, Jack is sitting at the bar with four drinks set up!
            "Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
            "Well, I've been here since last night," says Jack. "Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.
            She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. It turns out she's been reading '50 Shades of Grey'.
            So on the bed she has handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
            And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
            So --- Here I am!
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            • #36
              Originally posted by ARL67 View Post
              ... how about a 10 year bump !


              50 Shades of ..... Golf
              !
              Still one of the best....
              Sage of the GTA...

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              • #37
                 

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                • #38
                  Coming soon to a course near you...



                  Click image for larger version

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                  • #39
                    Named Golf Shots

                    Saddam Hussein: Bunker to bunker;

                    Adolf Hitler: Two shots in a bunker;

                    JFK Jr.: Didn't clear the water;

                    Princess Grace: Should have used a driver;

                    Princess Diana: Should not have used a driver.
                    Sage of the GTA...

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                    • #40
                      A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked:


                      "Honey, if I died would you get married again?”

                      The husband said: "No sweetie."

                      The woman said: "I'm sure you would."

                      So the man said: "Okay, I would".

                      Then the woman asked: "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"

                      And the man replied: "Yeah, I guess so."

                      Then the wife asked: "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"

                      And the husband replied: "No, she's left handed."

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                      • #41
                        A blonde, struggling with her swing, is taking a lesson with her local pro.

                        "You're gripping the club to hard, we need to relieve that tension. I want you to pretend you're gripping the club like you're holding your boyfriend's penis"

                        The blonde does so and hits a shot straight down the middle of the range

                        "Great, now take the club out of your mouth and lets go for some distance"
                        Last edited by Ruska; Jul 20, 2018, 06:14 PM.

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                        • #42
                          A hopeless chop of a golfer is out on a Saturday afternoon having an awful round. Chip yips, three jacks and shanks keep him from having even a single good hole. He finishes his round ready to quit the game altogether and starts the drive home. Passing by his local bar he makes a u-turn and decides to stop in for a few to drown his golf misery. After a couple stiff ones, a lovely woman comes over and asks him what’s got him so down. He explains the round he had and to his amazement she offers to cheer him up back at her place. They have amazing sex, in every room of her place, with multiple orgasms. A few hours pass and he wakes up riddled with guilt. His wife has been a great woman and he can’t believe what he’s done. He races home and when he comes through the door his wife asks, “Where the hell have you been?” Looking up from the floor he meets her eyes and tells her he has a confession to make. With a deep breath he admits that he has spent the last four hours with another woman and they had sex, multiple times. His wife bursts out laughing and says, “Bullshit, you played another 18 holes didn’t you?”
                          It's not the wand. It's the wizard.

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                          • #43
                            A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

                            "Ten years!", he says.

                            She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

                            He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

                            Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"

                            He replies, "Ten years!"

                            She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

                            He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"

                            Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some real fun?"

                            And the man replies, "Wow! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there!"

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                            • #44
                              Here's a good one
                              Attached Files

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                              • #45
                                lol so that why Golf is PG rated.
                                things change

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