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BEST GOLF JOKES !

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  • Bailey
    replied
    Originally posted by Marty Canuck View Post

    That was kinda what I was pointing out. Just a litte more subtlety.
    The 4th guy was in the group behind them . When he heard the wager he ran up to the green to join in .
    i know I would !

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  • Marty Canuck
    replied
    Originally posted by triniexr View Post

    That joke got messed up along the lines. Very first line say's 3 guys, at the end a 4th is there.
    That was kinda what I was pointing out. Just a litte more subtlety.

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  • triniexr
    replied
    Originally posted by Marty Canuck View Post

    Wait, they were playing as a 5 some? Somebody call the marshall to throw them all off the course!
    That joke got messed up along the lines. Very first line say's 3 guys, at the end a 4th is there.

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  • Marty Canuck
    replied
    Originally posted by Clubman View Post
    Three guys go into pro shop to sign in off to the side stands a very attractive young woman looking quite forlorn ,the pro tells them she has been there almost an hour no one will let her join up, the pro says she can play so the three agree to let her join them, she keeps up with to the 18 th, all on the green the young lady says if I sink this putt I will break par for the first time, it’s about six feet, so which ever guy gives me the correct read I will spend the night with, first guy looks all around the hole, a foot outside the right let die at the hole, second guy gives the same look, two cups to the right a bit firmer stroke, no no says third guy a firm strike dead straight in, fourth guy looks at the lady and says pick it up that’s good
    Wait, they were playing as a 5 some? Somebody call the marshall to throw them all off the course!

    Leave a comment:


  • Clubman
    replied
    Three guys go into pro shop to sign in off to the side stands a very attractive young woman looking quite forlorn ,the pro tells them she has been there almost an hour no one will let her join up, the pro says she can play so the three agree to let her join them, she keeps up with to the 18 th, all on the green the young lady says if I sink this putt I will break par for the first time, it’s about six feet, so which ever guy gives me the correct read I will spend the night with, first guy looks all around the hole, a foot outside the right let die at the hole, second guy gives the same look, two cups to the right a bit firmer stroke, no no says third guy a firm strike dead straight in, fourth guy looks at the lady and says pick it up that’s good

    Leave a comment:


  • bl8d
    replied
    lol so that why Golf is PG rated.

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  • triniexr
    replied
    Here's a good one
    Attached Files

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  • multimut
    replied
    A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

    "Ten years!", he says.

    She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

    He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

    Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"

    He replies, "Ten years!"

    She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

    He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"

    Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some real fun?"

    And the man replies, "Wow! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there!"

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  • The McCleery Crow
    replied
    A hopeless chop of a golfer is out on a Saturday afternoon having an awful round. Chip yips, three jacks and shanks keep him from having even a single good hole. He finishes his round ready to quit the game altogether and starts the drive home. Passing by his local bar he makes a u-turn and decides to stop in for a few to drown his golf misery. After a couple stiff ones, a lovely woman comes over and asks him what’s got him so down. He explains the round he had and to his amazement she offers to cheer him up back at her place. They have amazing sex, in every room of her place, with multiple orgasms. A few hours pass and he wakes up riddled with guilt. His wife has been a great woman and he can’t believe what he’s done. He races home and when he comes through the door his wife asks, “Where the hell have you been?” Looking up from the floor he meets her eyes and tells her he has a confession to make. With a deep breath he admits that he has spent the last four hours with another woman and they had sex, multiple times. His wife bursts out laughing and says, “Bullshit, you played another 18 holes didn’t you?”

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  • Ruska
    replied
    A blonde, struggling with her swing, is taking a lesson with her local pro.

    "You're gripping the club to hard, we need to relieve that tension. I want you to pretend you're gripping the club like you're holding your boyfriend's penis"

    The blonde does so and hits a shot straight down the middle of the range

    "Great, now take the club out of your mouth and lets go for some distance"
    Last edited by Ruska; Jul 20, 2018, 06:14 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • sc2350
    replied
    A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked:


    "Honey, if I died would you get married again?”

    The husband said: "No sweetie."

    The woman said: "I'm sure you would."

    So the man said: "Okay, I would".

    Then the woman asked: "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"

    And the man replied: "Yeah, I guess so."

    Then the wife asked: "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"

    And the husband replied: "No, she's left handed."

    Leave a comment:


  • Benz
    replied
    Named Golf Shots

    Saddam Hussein: Bunker to bunker;

    Adolf Hitler: Two shots in a bunker;

    JFK Jr.: Didn't clear the water;

    Princess Grace: Should have used a driver;

    Princess Diana: Should not have used a driver.

    Leave a comment:


  • AjaxGolf
    replied
    Coming soon to a course near you...



    Click image for larger version

Name:	In the Bleachers by Steve Moore for Jun 8  2018   GoComics.png
Views:	152
Size:	214.2 KB
ID:	2808134

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  • levendis
    replied

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  • Benz
    replied
    Originally posted by ARL67 View Post
    ... how about a 10 year bump !


    50 Shades of ..... Golf
    !
    Still one of the best....

    Leave a comment:

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